Sunday, February 17, 2008

Better When You Glow

Elder Oaks explained in his October 2006 Conference Address that not all ailments are healed by priesthood power despite our righteous desires. I learned that this was true when I felt my same sex attractions were an ailment. I desperately wanted to have my same sex attractions removed. I was fixated on doing everything in my power to have them removed. My freshman year at BYU, I asked my Bishop for a priesthood blessing with consecrated oil. It was a great blessing in which he told me that I was whole, but it didn’t remove the unwanted attractions.

Now as I look back on God’s plans for me, I am grateful that He did not answer my many petitions by removing those attractions. Because I lacked an attraction to women, I feel that had I suddenly stopped being attracted to men, I would be attracted to no one. What a sad thing that would be. Without my same sex attractions, I might have absolutely no capacity to love in a romantic way.

Today I appreciate my same sex attractions. I’m glad that I like men, because it has taught me how to love and care for someone. I look at all the blessings that stem from being gay, and they far outweigh any disappointments. I am so glad that a loving Father in Heaven knew that and kept me whole rather than removing such an integral part of me.


Vanson said...

That's really cool that you feel that way, Peter.

I think this is a struggle I have with SGA. I feel like I can't live the gospel while enjoying the benefits of being gay.

October Rising said...

that's awesome that you've been able to develop an appreciation for your same-sex attractions. i still struggle with accepting it myself, because i honestly would like to be "just like everyone else" with regards to marrying and having my own children.