I am an active Latter-day Saint who struggles with Same Sex Attractions (S.S.A.).
There I said it. In case you didn't understand what I just said, I will translate: I live in hell.
I don't mean that I don't love being LDS- I love being LDS. It is beautiful and fulfilling and everything that I want. I love the rush of spiritual experiences. I love being in the Temple. I love revelation, the quest for it and the need for it. I love the scriptures. Nothing brings me more joy than reading the scriptures. I love Jesus Christ. I believe in Him and in His Atonement. I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I don't mean that I don't love having SSA. I love SSA. Now that is something I've never confessed before, not even to myself. These attractions are beautiful and fulfilling and everything that I want. I love the thrill of noticing a beautiful guy. I love being around other guys. I love male intimacy- the search for it and the craving for it. I love passion. Nothing brings me more joy than being passionate and dramatic. I love guys.
So what's a guy like me to do? Well, I really don't know. I have no answers, only questions. I would like to explore myself- my feelings and memories and characteristics, and to do that, I need to be honest. I am starting this blog as a safe haven for honesty. I promise before these bloggers and random public visitors to be honest with myself. And to respect myself. Please respect how hard that is for me and show respect in your comments, if you have any. And please don't be ignorant. This is not an easily explained dilemma. Trust me, I've been trying to explain it for many years. There is nothing that I hate more than ignorant people.
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3 comments:
:-)
Glad to see you've found this place to be honest. Good luck working on finding greater understanding and peace.
P.S. Do you mind if I link you from my blog?
Welcome to the blogging world. I hope you find this to be a healthy outlet and a place where you can find answers as well as discuss those things that really don't have answers.
Dealing with SSA is probably not the most defining thing in one's life - I try to remember that. But it is still a huge part of it and becomes a most difficult issue for those of us who return from missions and are here at BYU where we're expected to find an eternal companion. I totally empathize with you. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to email me: stubyu@gmail.com
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