Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Secret's in the Telling

Since my last post I have come out to two more people. One was a non-LDS friend from my hometown, and the other was a guy in one of my classes that I was suspicious about. Both reactions were very positive. My friend from back home read this entire blog and said that it touched her and that she wants a jersey if I decide to make them for all of those on my team. The guy in my class also read my blog and told me about his own experience with same gender attractions.

Coming out has become such a common occurrence for me that it is starting to get redundant. Every one that I tell reacts positively. I am ready to be open about it to everyone. I don’t care who knows. At the same time, I am starting to get tired of “telling” people. I’m tired of taking people out to lunch, or dropping hints to test the waters, or any of the various things I’ve done in coming out to friends and relatives.

I’m kinda at that point now where I just don’t feel a huge need to tell people. It’s ok if they know, and it’s ok if they don’t. It doesn’t really matter. I’ll just let people who are suspicious of me ask, if they dare, or find out from others. I have lifted the vow of silence from the friends that I swore to secrecy. It’s something that we can all talk about now. If you want. Or we could talk about Obama. Or we could talk about the artwork I’m doing. Or the weather. (but only if you’re really lame). I’m comfortable in my own skin, but it no longer dominates my existence. I am officially done exploding out of the closet.

P.S. There is a beautiful prayer written by Chase that I think you should all read. (edit: sorry I meant to link that post, but I apparently didn't until now)


Josh said...

Let's talk about Obama sometime... He's pretty much amazing.

[kɹeɪ̯g̊] said...

Yeah, I'm pretty much in the same situation. A lot of people know, but I don't go around introducing myself as "Hi, I'm Craig, and I'm Gay". Sounds like an AA meeting.

Vanson said...

I know I want to tell my family... and maybe a few close friends, but that's it. I have 9 siblings and then they have their spouses and kids... so yah, I think I will have the support I need after that. By the time I tell all of them I probably won't care if people know.

Sneakers in Sacrament said...

You are going to wait for someone to ask you? I hate if people ask. I am like what does it matter, although the only people who ask are mormons. A lot of time i insure that people just assume it around here. In a few of my classes i am "gay." If people ask i just cant help but think "What the hell does it matter?" If i wanted you to know i would tell you. Although i have told just about no one so that works out. I just figure if they cant figure it out they dont need to know, and if they need to know i dont want them around them anyways. Good luck with it all. Comfortable in your own skin i hear is key, that is what i am working on. Glad you enjoyed my prayer, i was worried it would piss some people off.

Crow's View said...

I think you are finding that the people you want to tell care more about you then the struggle you shouldn't let define yourself by.

These people will love you and support you no matter what. They may not agree with a choice or they may feel if you slip you are going to end up hurt. But they love you and are honest with you enough to tell you how they feel.

Honestly I think you sound pretty neat. If you were in a class I was in and needed a friend I'd probably come talk to you. LOL!

Peter said...

"I think you are finding that the people you want to tell care more about you then the struggle you shouldn't let define yourself by."

1. Same sex attractions are not a struggle for me. I am gay. That's just the way it is. I don't try very hard to be gay--it comes naturally. Likewise I don't try at all to not be gay. No struggle involved.

2. Though it is not the only thing that defines me, it is one thing that defines me. My sexuality effects every aspect of my life from my personality to my art to my friends to the Church that I struggle with. I am proud that I am gay.

[kɹeɪ̯g̊] said...

I think you are finding that the people you want to tell care more about you then the struggle you shouldn't let define yourself by.

How do you know what he's "finding"? You make too many unsubstantiated assumptions.

There's a clear distinction between how you, Crow, view being gay and how Peter or I view it. You see it as a struggle and are afraid to let it define you in any way. I agree with Peter fully that being gay is pretty awesome, and is an important part of my life, but obviously not the only part.