Thursday, December 27, 2007

Won't somebody come take me home?

Being home for winter break has afforded me the opportunity to play parent in some small roles. I have a seven-year-old brother and a seven-year-old sister, and I have been helping my parents out by taking care of them. On Friday I gave my mom a break and drove the older kids to school when they missed their bus and then got the younger kids dressed, packed their lunches, said prayers with them, and got them to their bus on time (well kinda, we had to run to catch it). It was so much fun! I dressed my sister in the cutest outfit- a purple sweatshirt with a giant dark purple snowflake on it and a cute skirt with matching purple leggings and a dark purple headband that matches the snowflake. My brother on his own picked out black jeans with a skull t-shirt and a sport coat. Yes, at 7 he is insisting on wearing a sport coat with the outfit. So trendy! Since he makes such a cute little punk I had to texturize his hair. And then I packed them lunches they would actually eat by asking them what they wanted . . . and it's still healthy (granola bar, handi-snacks, carrots and cup of fruit for the punk and a clementine, gram crackers, ritzbits, and applesauce for my sister). My brother said the prayer before they all left.

Last night I read my brother stories and put him to bed. It was so nice to have him falling asleep in my arms as I read the story, trying to make it interesting and sleepy at the same time. I had made sure that he had brushed his teeth and put some things away first. After the story, we kneeled next to his bed and he said his prayers. It was the most beautiful prayer I've ever heard. He prayed for what he needed and wanted and was grateful for. He prayed for each member of our family by name and by the specific things that they needed. If I ever have children, I will teach them how to pray. It is one of the most important things I ever learned as a child- knowing how to pray for myself and communicate with God on my own. I'm touched my parents have continued to instill that powerful principle in my siblings and long to pass it on to my posterity. After prayers, I tucked my brother in and turned on the night light and he went to sleep.

These simple tasks, getting a child off to school and putting a child to bed, were fulfilling and brought me a lot of joy and satisfaction. It has made me want to be a parent. The problem is, I am likely not going to marry a woman. If I were to marry a man, should I have children? I think I'd be a great dad. And I think I'd pick out a great other dad. A lot of people have a problem with that though.

My parents think that a gay couple adopting children goes beyond selfishness and is in fact abusive, and the people who do it are "sick." I, obviously, disagree. I am afraid, though, of the pain that would come from all the opposition they and others would provide. Sometimes I feel tired of fighting, and I just want to live my life free of scrutiny. If I were to marry a man, even if there were no kids, there would be pressure to have the perfect marriage just in an effort to legitimize it. (My dad told me that homosexual couples can't last- he challenged me to identify a couple that had been together for as long as he had been with my mom. JGW was all I could come up with at 15 years, 7 too short. The logic, however, is faulty). So you can imagine how hard it would be to legitimize a whole family. Would it be practical in our current society to raise children in a homosexual relationship?


One of So Many said...

The Irony is that all I know are couples who've been around together a long time.

My wife's Great uncle just lost his partner of over 50 years a couple of years ago. My friend's has two uncles that have been together for well over 15. The relationships can work, but like all things take effort luck, and patience. And the right kind of people.

playasinmar said...

"Abusive?" Ouch.

I think Siegfried and Roy have been together for a long time.

draco said...


J G-W said...

I resisted becoming an adoptive/foster parent because I was concerned about the complications our kids would experience in a family with few social and no legal supports. I still take those concerns seriously...

But at the same time, having our foster son Glen is one of the greatest blessings of my life. Our foster son feels the same way about having us as foster parents. Now I look at it differently. There's so much that we are able to give our foster kid that he would not be able to get elsewhere. There's a huge need out there for good parents to care for kids.

In our 15 years together, Göran and I have attended many heterosexual weddings of friends who are no longer together. I'd say the majority have not lasted as long as my relationship with Göran. I've just witnessed a very painful divorce experienced by my best friend, who was married for 18 years. I know this is anecdotal evidence, but I wouldn't say that the "divorce" rate is any higher among the same-sex couples I have known. Is it stating the obvious that sexual orientation doesn't necessarily determine whether a relationship can last?

Chedner said...

I've been thinking about the same thing lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I will most likely adopt kids when the time comes.

My thought process:
I know who I am; I know I have the ability, due to my strongly androgynous nature, to fill both father and mother roles a child needs. I know I'll make a superlative father, and I know any relationship I enter will be life-long.

Plus, there are so many kids out there who need the type of loving, caring, nurturing, and protected home I can provide, it would be abusive NOT to adopt a child who may never get adopted (especially in those countries where living standards aren't so great).

So, I say: Trust yourself and your ability to father & mother, and ignore the crap others would have you believe about yourself ('cause you know it's wrong).

[əɪ̯ wʌndɹ̟] said...

I've been having similar parental urges lately. I don't really know why, but I do know that besides having a partner/husband, there is nothing in the world I want more than to have children, and be a parent.

If I were to marry a man, should I have children? I think I'd be a great dad. And I think I'd pick out a great other dad. A lot of people have a problem with that though

Well, a lot of people have problems with parents who teach their children that God exists and teaches them to believe in something they believe to be utter nonsense. The point is that it really doesn't matter what other people think, it just matters what you think/feel.

Sometimes I feel tired of fighting, and I just want to live my life free of scrutiny

I know what you mean, I think, however, that for us, such never may be possible.

gram crackers

:) It is actually spelt "graham", which I pronounce as [ˈɡɹeɪ̥.əm]. After I moved to the US, it took me a while to realise what people were referring to each time I heard someone call them "gram [ˈɡɹæm] crackers"
Its interesting that you have spelt it the way you pronounce it (which does make sense). I wonder if the American spelling is going to change to reflect the American pronunciation of the word. This is also similar to how many pronounce the word "crayon"[ˈkɹeɪ̥ʲ.ɑn] as "cran" [kɹæn].

Just some random linguisticness for your learning pleasure.