Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Feeling Things I've Never Felt

"We're both looking for something we've been afraid to find. It's easier to be broken. It's easier to hide. Looking at you, holding my breath. For once in my life, I'm scared to death. I'm taking a chance, letting you inside. Feeling alive all over again, As deep as the sky, under my skin. . . Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm feeling right where I belong with you tonight. Like being in love to feel for the first time" (Lifehouse).
This post is again really just an excuse to post lyrics.

I feel really empowered right now. Since I have accepted the fact that I have same gender attractions, realized that I am not a bad person for them, and experienced new emotions, I have been so happy. I have felt so comfortable. I have been so alive.

It makes me wonder- surely my parents have experienced this. When they were young, they must have had these feelings. Did they want me to never experience them? Did they want me to always hate myself and attack and suppress and deny my feelings? Did they want me to never know what it is like to want someone, to be with someone, to have someone?

I suppose they did want all of those things for me, they just wanted them accomplished in a way that I feel will never happen.
"Hearts need a beat, like awake needs asleep, Like a pen needs a page, to learn right you need a mistake. Oh, yeah. . . Strike all the bells, hit 'em hard make 'em all yell, celebrate, infatuate, lock us up, yeah, incarcerate, oh! Oh, I swear, I know, I believe it. Oh, I can't stop hearing all the singing. Oh, my soul has never had this feeling, and it feels like so, so, so much love in you. You got so much love in you. I'm amazed that I'm talkin' to you. You look like the songs that I've heard my whole life coming true" (The Rocket Summer).


draco said...

"...And though I'd never show it, I'd be so happy I could melt.
And so it will be for the rest of my life, and I'll want nothing else 'til I die..."

playasinmar said...

The thing about happiness is... nah, forget it. Just go be happy. You've earned it.