Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A Struggle We Have Left to Win

Invincibility lasts 19 days. I didn't know that until yesterday. There is so much that I am learning about myself right now. I'm not putting it up in the blogging world because of how sacred it is to me. I often feel the public has a tendency to profane things that are personal and meaningful and judge them.

I remember when I really realized that my parents were fallible. It was a crushing discovery, but it was liberating. Realizing your own fallibility is likewise both crushing and liberating. Once it happens, you can really dig down and discover what your strengths and weaknesses are. What your joys and pains are. What your beliefs and hopes are.

In any event, I am now discovering what lasts more than 19 days. That is what I think my future is. I wish I had more support. But I am going to do it with or without support. In the end we have to do what is right for ourselves. We all have such individual needs, and such different ways of securing those needs. I believe that God wants our needs met, and that He has many resources with which to meet them. I'm tired of meeting everyone else's expectations. It's time to meet my own.

4 comments:

J G-W said...

When I decided to return to the Mormon Church, friends of mine asked me, "You are gay. Why would you WANT to be gay and MORMON?!"

I told them that I believed the principles of the LDS faith actually offered me more resources to build a healthy, happy basis for my life as a gay man.

I see the truth of this illustrated in your blog... Thank you.

One of So Many said...

Living up to everyone else's expectations is a hard thing. It's good that you are trying to find your own. I wish you well on your journey and hope that you can find some happiness along the way.

Romulus said...

We'll talk about what's going on later, but I'm happy that you have come to the point that you are going to do what you believe is best for you. That is a personal decision that no one else can make (though many seem to differ). You will find what you need.

draco said...

Everything is going to be okay.

I like your new wintery layout :)