I had an interesting conversation with my mother yesterday that has given me some thoughts I'd like to share. Perhaps I will make it two posts because the thoughts are somewhat unrelated.
My mom doesn't like being around me now. Although, she likes being around me much much much more so than she did the summer before my mission. Suddenly talking about that brought a huge point home to me. I recounted my history to her.
After I graduated high school, I was on top of the world. I was so happy. Everyone loved to be around me. I was passionate and confident and I had big dreams. I was full of life. Then I went to BYU and started change therapy with a referral from Evergreen. I started changing. That was the point, right? After two semesters of it, I went home. I was suicidal that summer. My mom hated me. No one liked being around me. I wanted to kill myself, and determined that I would do so after my mission.
My mission was wonderful. It brought the life back into me. I was so happy. I was in my element. I was on top of the world again, but my world revolved around one purpose. When I came home, suddenly I lost that purpose by default and was left with nothing. I went back to change therapy. I was miserable again. So I stopped. Now I am bouncing back. I'm taking my life in a new direction, but once again I feel alive. I hope that she'll recognize the new passion and confidence in me, and the big dreams. I hope she'll want to be around me again.
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2 comments:
Wow...hopefully you won't go back to the "change" therapy if it's changing you for the worse!
Life has many ups and downs. Some sharp and some gradual. Seems like yours was sharp.
I wonder if you sometimes feel you just want to stop for a second and heave your guts out before getting back on?
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