I like to start and end some posts with lyrics. Often they don't have anything to do with the post, but it is a nice reflection of the emotions I am feeling or the tunes I'm listening to. I just love music. Anyway, I just can't pick two sets of lyrics, so I will let you in on all of the songs on my itunes right now and you can pull the quotes you want. I Was So Alone, Chasing Cars, The Great Escape, You and Me, Open Your Eyes, and Oh What a World.
Yesterday I had a really good day. One of many small ecstasies was watching the movie Saved. You all MUST go and watch the movie. It completely changed the way that I look at the world and myself and God. I want to write a whole long review on the movie, but it would detract from the real point of this post.
I got home last night at 3 AM and I was feeling really happy. And I was wondering why I didn't feel that happy in Church. And then I started doing some deep thinking as I was wrapped up in the catharsis of the night. Thought turned to meditation turned to prayer turned to enlightenment.
Suddenly I realized that it was good that I felt good. And then I realized that Church should make me feel good. I should enjoy it. I should feel uplifted. I should feel spiritual. I decided to get what I wanted out of Church, and I want to get happy, uplifting, spiritual experiences out of church. To do that, I realized that I needed to give up my expectations and demands. I needed to stop putting conditions on what would make me feel good at Church.
Last night I didn't sleep at all- I just felt. And then I got up and I showered and I put on my new Sunday clothes that actually fit me and I went to Church and it was awesome. I haven't enjoyed Church like that in a very long time. I had fun. I was uplifted. I felt the Spirit. And all of this despite distasteful comments and offensive things. I just let those things that normally bug me fall off.
It was wonderful. And the best part is that this whole divine, euphoric, enlightening experience was not even drug induced.
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It's amazing how much of our mood and attitude can be controlled by simply deciding to be something. Happy, or optimistic, or interested. Sometimes other things can get in the way and fog up the attempt, but I've found that my ability to be happy about life is exponentially increased when I'm making a concerted effort to achieve it.
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