Monday, October 29, 2007

". . . Terrified of Living Your Own Life?"

I'd like to know what people mean when they say, "You're just trying to convince yourself . . ."

This is something that my mother and roommate have said to me when I tell them that I don't believe I will change my sexuality. Do they actually think that I don't believe what I say, or do they just not believe what I say and assume that deep down inside I also know that they are right? Do I act like I am just trying to convince myself? What does that even look like? What does sincere belief look like?

Just hoping you all have some insights I'm missing.


Hidden said...

Just a thought. But one that has turned into reality in my life...

May I suggest they could be asking you to keep an open mind? And not restrict yourself so quickly? I don't think that my attractions will change, but I've had to kinda retrace some steps with regard to "defining" myself. I was at the point where I was 100% okay identifying myself as "gay" or "homosexual" or whatever other label people on one extreme use. Since I've kinda had to come back a little the other way, and say, oh yeah, this is more complicated than it seems at first glance.

Just don't be SO sure of yourself. Or you could be shutting out the little changes in your life that will keep what's been important...just that.

Foxx said...

When you say you don't believe you will/can change your sexuality, to some it is akin to saying the Atonement isn't universal. So, if you believe in the Atonement, you can't possibly believe that there's one part of you that cannot or will not change through it, and you must be convincing yourself.

Don't know if this is where they're coming from, but it makes logical sense to me.

Somebody once told me that when I talk about homosexuality on a regular basis, it just means that I haven't accepted it myself and is a way of convincing myself that it's ok to be gay. He said that I should just be about it, and people would get that I was okay with it.

And maybe I was just talking about it so I could form my opinion, but I don't find fault in that tactic. Maybe I thought I should spread the truth the way I saw and experienced it.

What it comes down to is that only you can know if you're trying to convince yourself, even though it may take some real self-assessment. A lot of times we do things for reasons that aren't readily apparent.

Abelard Enigma said...

When I hear someone who keeps belaboring some point - anything - I start to wonder if they really believe it themselves and keep saying it out loud in hopes that it will be true if they say it often enough.

On the other hand, I often find that saying things out loud helps me to understand it better. There have been numerous times where I've solved some problem on my own by just trying to explain the problem to someone else. I'm certainly no expert; but, it's seems like a different part of the brain processes information when you say it and hear it rather than just thinking about it.

My only advice is to pay attention to how much you talk about your sexuality and orientation. Maybe you are talking about it more than you realize - in an effort to understand it yourself; however, sometimes people will misinterpret your intent. Just because you are seeking more understanding doesn't mean you haven't accepted it.

Kengo Biddles said... like feeling like a social outcast and otherwise frowned upon person. Uh-huh.

And I agree with what else has been said here.

It doesn't make sense to focus on your broken toe for days on end. You're more than your broken toe. And yes, the analogy's weak, but you get the picture.

drex said...

Sometimes they're asking you to keep an open mind - I definitely agree with Hidden. On the other hand, though, and particularly in this situation as it appears, it's more often a tactic to push changing one's perspective to someone else. When people don't want to face a paradigm shift of their own, they'll say that you have to change something about yourself to match.

But still, keep your options open. In a way they're right, it just doesn't sound like they suggested it in the right spirit.

Hidden said...

I will agree with Drex agreeing with me. lol

And just add...

it just doesn't sound like they suggested it in the right spirit.

We talked about this in my class yesterday. Ephesians 4:15 refers to speaking "the truth in love." How are those two related? Well, it's exactly what Drex is getting at. You can't be forceful or unkind in speech. It really doesn't matter how truthful something is, if it's not said in the right attitude (spirit) it can be incredibly damaging. Love plays into truth because love is part of the character of conveying truth. It's a delicate and thin line, and they may even think they are being loving in telling you, when in reality they aren't. I know a girl who thinks we are friends because she thinks she understands forgiveness and love and how to do that with me, when really there are still wounds that are open...on both sides.

Once again, as I've said before elsewhere...the gospel always comes back to the same place. Always. LOVE.